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Releasing a Person: Recovering from a Break-Up Or A Divorce
Jan/Feb 2002
© 2002 by Kathryn Alice
& © 2003-2004 The Alice Tompkins Company
When Chris's girlfriend broke up with him, he couldn't seem to recover. He sent her flowers on the anniversary of their first date. He invented excuses to call her and took any warmth from her as a sign of hope for their future. His friends got sick of hearing about her. Even after she got serious with someone else, Chris continually tortured himself by obsessing about her. He even went so far as to follow her on dates.
This fixation on a former love is not unusual. Many have trouble letting go after a relationship is over. The depression that follows the break-up of a relationship is considered by mental health professionals as a normal part of grieving. However, to those going through it, the pain can seem unbearable, and the accompanying behavior, embarrassing.
Why do we get so attached to another human being? Spiritually, the closeness that we feel serves us by propelling us into a sense of oneness that reminds us of our connection to the Divine. Sociologically, attachment keeps us together for the purpose of raising healthy babies and continuing the species. Physiologically, a chemical reaction occurs when we meet and bond with a partner.
But when a relationship is no longer flowing -- either because one partner wants out or for any other reason -- it is time to release. The magic of releasing gracefully may actually bring the partner back. However, it doesn't work to fake it. One must truly release without expectations for the future. And it is much easier to release than to go through the agony of holding on after it's over.
Jan/Feb 2002
© 2002 by Kathryn Alice
& © 2003-2004 The Alice Tompkins Company
When Chris's girlfriend broke up with him, he couldn't seem to recover. He sent her flowers on the anniversary of their first date. He invented excuses to call her and took any warmth from her as a sign of hope for their future. His friends got sick of hearing about her. Even after she got serious with someone else, Chris continually tortured himself by obsessing about her. He even went so far as to follow her on dates.
This fixation on a former love is not unusual. Many have trouble letting go after a relationship is over. The depression that follows the break-up of a relationship is considered by mental health professionals as a normal part of grieving. However, to those going through it, the pain can seem unbearable, and the accompanying behavior, embarrassing.
Why do we get so attached to another human being? Spiritually, the closeness that we feel serves us by propelling us into a sense of oneness that reminds us of our connection to the Divine. Sociologically, attachment keeps us together for the purpose of raising healthy babies and continuing the species. Physiologically, a chemical reaction occurs when we meet and bond with a partner.
But when a relationship is no longer flowing -- either because one partner wants out or for any other reason -- it is time to release. The magic of releasing gracefully may actually bring the partner back. However, it doesn't work to fake it. One must truly release without expectations for the future. And it is much easier to release than to go through the agony of holding on after it's over.
